South Korea's Progressives Need to Grow Up in the Age of Trump

On November 10, a South Korean lawmaker from the main opposition Minjoo Party, Rep. Yun Ho-jung, said he would seek a dismissal motion against Defense Minister Han Min-koo if South Korea continues to move forward to sign the Security of Military Information Agreement - an agreement with Tokyo to share military intelligence on North Korea.

This came on the heels of the country’s three opposition parties having released a joint statement a day earlier where they expressed their opposition to the agreement claiming that it would escalate geopolitical tension in and around the Korean Peninsula. Today, they reaffirmed that threat.

When one considers the progressives’ position for even a moment, one realizes that the claim makes no sense whatsoever. The need to share intelligence with Tokyo would never have been made an issue if North Korea didn’t pose an existential threat in the first place.

Time and again, whether it is the THAAD deployment or joint US-South Korean military drills or intelligence-sharing with Japan, South Korea’s progressives have consistently voiced their opposition claiming that they would make matters worse while only perfunctorily stating that North Korea should not escalate tensions.

But this should come as no surprise considering the kinds of rhetoric that have come from South Korea’s progressives in the past. Only a month ago when President Park gave a speech calling on North Koreans to abandon their country and defect (a speech that was far less controversial or memorable than Reagan’s “tear-down-this-wall” speech), Rep. Park Jie-won, the floor leader of the People’s Party, accused President Park of making “a declaration of war.” Not to be outdone, Ki Dong-min, a party spokesperson for the Minjoo Party said President Park seemed to have been “on the warpath.”

With rhetoric like this coming from South Korean progressives, who needs the KCNA?

Giving this woman a real run for her money
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The Left often bristles anytime conservatives refer to them as jongbuk - pro-North Korean sympathizers. However, as much eye-rolling as the conservatives have induced due to their overuse of red-baiting, which has pushed many to compare conservatives to the boy who cried wolf, the accusation is not entirely without merit.

The Choi Soon-sil scandal has rocked the Park Geun-hye administration and with every new reveal, this onion of a scandal is a gift that keeps on giving. The opposition is right to demand that President Park withdraw herself from the day-to-day operations of the government and the protesters are more right still to demand her immediate resignation. However, opposing the Security of Military Information Agreement (GSOMIA) has exposed the opposition for what they always have been - craven reactionaries who seek nothing but their own political goals.

The opposition party has been enjoying growing support in the polls recently as a direct result of the Choi Soon-sil scandal but in their hubris, they seem to think that they can just about do anything. They ought to remember that though ousting the president may be justified, working against the country’s interests is unforgivable.

The progressives will be the new stewards of the country and they had better grow up and do it quickly because the world is changing as we speak.

It is likely that the next South Korean president is going to come from the Minjoo Party and as long as they can maintain their alliance with the other minor parties, it will become the next ruling and majority party. But it is important to bear in mind that the Minjoo Party has long committed itself to opposing the deployment of THAAD missile batteries and that it has a long and sordid history of anti-Americanism. So it’s more than plausible that South Korea’s policy toward North Korea might take a sharp left turn.

That sharp left-turn could mean that the future South Korean government might become more anti-Japanese (not that the conservatives were any help whatsoever in trying to improve ties with Tokyo), less pro-American, and more sympathetic to Pyongyang. After all, although it is unclear if Mayor Park Won-soon might become the next president, his incredibly naive positions such as revamping the Sunshine Policy and building “economic and cultural cooperation with the North” (I wonder what the mayor of Dandong might have to say about that!) are shared widely on the Left.

Good luck with that
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Newton’s Third Law of Motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. But that’s in the realm of physics. In the realm of politics, however, the reaction is not always equal. And it is quite hard to come up with a better example of that than Donald Trump’s electoral win. The incoming Trump administration could bring immense changes and it is now time for South Korea’s progressives to quickly learn to assess the new political reality.

That is because should South Korean progressives be tempted to return to their old ways and exploit anti-American sentiments again for any reason whatsoever, Trump’s likely braggadocious response would be less genteel than President George W. Bush’s response was while he was in the White House. Overt acts of anti-Americanism aside, one of the things that Trump ran on was for American allies to become more active in their own self-defense and to increase their share of joint-military budgets with the United States. It’s obvious how further South Korean attempts to maintain the status quo or push away Japan, which weakens the trilateral alliance (and we know what Trump thinks about perceptions of weakness), would be perceived in Washington.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that Trump has shown little love for South Korea during the campaign trail. He suggested that South Korea ought to pay 100 percent of the cost of stationing American troops and military hardware in the country. He has also called the South Korea-U.S. Free Trade Agreement a “job-killing deal” that has resulted in trade deficits for the US and his campaign went on record saying that he wants to go back to “ground zero” with regard to the trade deal.

It is true that Trump has repeatedly shown himself to be greatly ignorant of international politics when he expressed a blasé attitude about the possibility of a North Korean attack against South Korea or Japan, America’s staunchest allies in Asia, saying “it would be a terrible thing but if they do, they do.”

However, it would be a mistake to assume that Trump’s ignorance automatically means that the incoming administration will be incompetent. Trump already said months ago that should he win the election, he would consider appointing John Bolton, who should not need any introduction (or his views for that matter) in South Korea, as his Secretary of State. If South Korea’s progressives are not feeling even a little wary about the possible return of this real-life version of Yosemite Sam, then they’re going to be in for a rude awakening.

He’s baaaaack!
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In order to thrive in the Age of Trump, South Korea is going to have to rethink the way it conducts its foreign policy. It’s going to have to bury hatchets and cooperate closely with Japan, which is also likely to be as nervous about Trump. Consequently, South Korea’s progressives are also going to have to stop and think for a moment about the possible risks and benefits of reestablishing engagement with North Korea. And they are also going to have to act more cautiously in their approach to the US as America’s support can no longer be taken for granted - no matter how much people may want to pretend otherwise. The calculus has fundamentally shifted.

In short, if (more likely when) South Korea’s progressives take over from the conservatives in the next election (or after President Park resigns amid the scandals that are engulfing her administration), they are going to have to grow up and do so quickly. The country’s survival may depend on it.

A Trump Presidency and What It Might Mean for Korea

“May you live in interesting times.”

And what an interesting year 2016 has been. A number of beloved celebrities have died, Brangelina has split up, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series, and Donald J. Trump, the tweeting orange who’d date his own daughter if she weren’t his daughter, seems set to be the next president of the United States.

Many journalists, pundits, writers, bloggers, thinkers, philosophers, and anyone with an opinion is going to talk about this election for years. What everyone did wrong, where they went right, what caused what, how things will turn out, etc.

Old political alliances that died eight years ago are going to reemerge. Progressives who argued that President Obama needed more power to do the things he wanted to do and who lauded his use of executive orders are now going to side with libertarians in arguing for a weaker executive.

(Welcome back, progressives. How’ve you been?)

But not all old alliances will be rediscovered. Conservatives and Neo-conservatives might not rekindle their old relationship. But then again, knowing how many times Trump has changed his positions on any given topic within a matter of minutes, I suppose it would be foolish to write off anything.

But what does a Trump presidency mean for inter-Korean relations? What would it mean for the ROK-US alliance? What about the KOR-US Free Trade Agreement?

In short, all bets are off.

Trump has long said that he would put all options on the table in regards to negotiating with “free-riding” allies. Never mind that Korea is not a free-riding ally. But inherent in that position is the willingness to withdraw American troops from the Korean Peninsula unless South Korea pays more for the alliance’s costs.

(I do believe he once asked why South Korea wasn’t paying 100 percent of the costs during one of his stump speeches.)

Let’s assume that, unlike Jimmy Carter, he will refuse to bend to foreign policy and military experts and simply do as he wishes. If that happens, it is likely that the US might seek to quickly transfer wartime control of the South Korean military to Seoul as soon as possible. As worrisome as that might be considering the fact that South Korea might have been controlled by a shadowy cult over the past few years, what’s even more worrisome is that this may give the pro-nuclear armament voices in South Korea the boost that they have been seeking, which could lead to all sorts of gargantuan problems.

Would an American withdrawal from Korea, and possibly Japan, mean that Seoul and Tokyo might have the incentive to finally push aside old fights and seek a closer partnership with one another to seek a common defense against North Korea? Or would it remove the one common denominator that had nominally united Seoul and Tokyo in a fractured trilateral alliance?

Park Geun-hye is now a lame duck president and it appears that the next South Korean president might come from the Minjoo Party, which has a history of strong anti-American elements. Combine that with a Trump presidency that eschews foreign policy and what would that do to inter-Korean relations?

Trump has gone on record and said that China ought to do more to contain the North Korean threat. But China has never cared to put North Korea in its place. And assuming that Trump withdraws American troops from Korea and/or transfers wartime control to Seoul, how would China’s perception of the Korean Peninsula change?

Furthermore, Trump has also suggested that China ought to invade North Korea. As unlikely as it is for China to take up on that offer, regardless of which political party governs South Korea now and in the future, that is yet something else that will likely fray the ROK-US alliance.

Would an emboldened North Korea continue to pursue further nuclear armament? Will sanctions continue to be enforced against North Korea or will they be put in the backseat, thus destroying any progress (limited as they have been) that have been made over the past eight to ten years?

As mentioned earlier, the next South Korean president might come from the Minjoo Party. Would the Minjoo Party reintroduce the Sunshine Policy, thus killing sanctions programs before they have a real chance to succeed? What about the deployment of THAAD missile batteries? Will that be canceled?

How would the free trade agreement that was signed between Korea and the US change? Trump has been vague about this. Will it be scrapped? If so, how would that affect the Korean economy? The Korean economy has been experiencing slumping exports and rising household debt. A looming interest rate hike by the US Federal Reserve has been seriously threatening Korea’s economic growth. Any possible renegotiation or hint of scrapping the free trade deal could send the Korean economy plummeting.

I have to point out that the election is not yet over. Nothing is ever over until the fat lady sings. But pundits are saying the word “unlikely” with growing frequency in regards to a Clinton victory.

We have to remember that politicians have a tendency to renege on many of their campaign pledges once having won an election. So whether or not Trump follows through with his pledges is up in the air. Maybe he will. Or maybe he’ll plate the White House in gold and play golf in Scotland with Duterte and Putin while Mike Pence and Paul Ryan do the real work of governing the US.

Regardless of how things turn out, the next four years are going to be incredibly interesting.

For now, however, the whole world might have to get used to saying “President Donald J. Trump.”

God help us all.

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President Park Geun-hye Should Resign

The more details about the Choi Soon-sil scandal are revealed, the more bizarre the story seems to get. From stories of shamanistic priests to corporate malfeasance to unlawfully accessing classified information to prosecutorial ineptitude to familial favoritism to allegations about sacrificial rituals during the Sewol ferry disaster to questions about whether Choi had used the Blue House as a sleepover camp, one can’t help but be reminded of Mark Twain’s quote about how the truth is often stranger than fiction.

Like The Korean said in his blog post, the scandal has put the entire corporate-government symbiotic relationship into the Tyson Zone where every allegation and rumor, no matter how insane, now seems entirely plausible.

It is important to point out that there has yet to be a trial, much less a conviction. Until that takes place, every allegation is just that - an allegation. However, there is absolutely no doubt that as a direct result of this scandal and the eye roll-inducing manner in which she has attempted to contain it, it would be a gross understatement to claim that President Park is now a lame duck president.

In fact, this goes well beyond a lame duck presidency. Due to the far-reaching influence that Choi Soon-sil seems to have had over the president, government ministries, and various corporations, it may be safe to say that the Park administration has fundamentally collapsed.

I doubt this is what James & Bobby Purify had in mind
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(As of this writing, Kim Byong-joon, whom President Park has nominated to become the next prime minister, is currently giving a press conference stating that President Park has agreed that, upon confirmation to his post, Kim would take over all domestic affairs while President Park will only oversee foreign policy. He has also said that it may be possible for prosecutors to investigate President Park, albeit “prudently.” However, it is still unclear if the opposition parties will agree to President Park’s unilateral appointment.)

Considering the fact that South Korea currently faces wave after wave of economic and security challenges, this scandal could not have come at a worse time.

Samsung Electronics, which had to cancel its Galaxy Note 7, is currently on shaky ground, which in turn has led to increased calls for the government to push through corporate reform. Korea’s largest container shipping company, Hanjin, went into receivership a few months ago and the company still has stranded crew members out at sea who are running out of rations. Falling exports, rising household debt, and a looming interest rate hike by the US Federal Reserve could seriously threaten economic growth. The government still needs to curb the chaebols’ excesses, push for more deregulation and a more flexible labor market, and help to boost startup businesses. More urgently, the National Assembly still needs to approve the government’s ₩400.7 trillion budget for next year.

On the security side of things, sensing an opportunity, China is once again looking for ways to force South Korea to abandon its plans to deploy THAAD missile batteries. North Korea still poses an existential threat to South Korea. In order to properly combat the North Korean menace, South Korea needs to pursue careful diplomacy, strong sanctions, and meticulous alliance management. Although the Obama administration has said that the ROK-US alliance is still “strong and durable,” there is no doubt concern about South Korea’s current state of political paralysis. Furthermore, US officials are all too aware that support for the alliance and/or the US’ interests are not unanimous in South Korea.

The duties and responsibilities that weigh on the president’s shoulders require Herculean leadership. It is needed even during the best of times and it is absolutely paramount during times of trouble. But the Choi Soon-sil scandal has derailed everything.

As it is now apparent that President Park can no longer lead the country or regain the trust of those whom she is supposed to govern, it is now abundantly clear that she ought to resign.

The fact that the majority of Saenuri and Minjoo lawmakers have thus far refused to call for her resignation shows that even now they are placing their own interests above that of the country’s. They have refused to do so because if President Park resigns immediately, as per the Republic of Korea Constitution, a new election has to take place in sixty days whereby a new president would be able to begin a new five-year term.

Seeing how the scandal has not only tarnished President Park’s reputation but also that of the Saenuri Party itself, it is clear why Saenuri lawmakers would be opposed to a sudden resignation. They would have the most to lose. Furthermore, the Saenuri Party’s most likely nominee, Ban Ki-moon, would be ineligible to run as he is still serving as the UN’s Secretary General.

(Assuming that Ban Ki-moon still plans to run for president and he doesn’t choose to be another party’s standard bearer, he may need to rename the Saenuri Party, again, and purge the party off Park Geun-hye’s most loyal supporters.)

The same goes for the Minjoo Party. Prior to the Choi Soon-sil scandal, it appeared that it was the Minjoo Party that would be engulfed in flames when former Foreign Minister Song Min-soon mentioned in his memoir, A Glacier Inevitably Moves, that Moon Jae-in had given the green light in 2007 to ask Pyongyang for its opinion on the UN resolution on North Korean human rights violations, a charge that Moon has yet to deny.

(Personally, I think this ought to disqualify Moon Jae-in from being elected dog catcher, much less president.)

The Minjoo Party may be enjoying higher approval ratings than the Saenuri Party, but that’s not saying very much. Should the presidential election take place today, there is no guarantee that Moon would be elected president. Until recently, Moon was operating under the assumption that he would have more than a year to campaign for the presidency. It is likely that he would rather not deviate from the plan.

The two major political figures who are openly calling for President Park’s resignation, Ahn Cheol-soo and Park Won-soon, were facing steep uphill battles of their own against Moon Jae-in to become the progressives’ nominee for president. But if President Park resigns, seeing how Moon is facing his own political scandal, they would have a much better chance of sealing the nomination for themselves. Although they are both right to demand President Park’s immediate resignation, their naked ambition and lust for power are not very subtle.

The show must go on!
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Readers of this blog already know my biases. Although President Park has shown herself to be an unremarkable, underwhelming, and disappointing leader in more ways than one, I have felt nothing but unadulterated admiration for her hawkish policy toward North Korea and her dogged pursuance of free trade deals with as many countries and trading blocs as possible. Conversely, I find many of South Korea’s progressives’ willingness to appease Pyongyang and their slavish devotion to unions and (even more than conservatives’) nativist outlook on trade despicable.

Should President Park resign immediately, there is a very good chance that I would find the next president’s views on trade, tax policy, welfare reform, labor reform, economic regulation, and foreign policy deplorable and downright dangerous for the country’s future. But the fact remains that through no one else’s fault other than her own, President Park has lost the trust of the people and turned her administration into an international laughing stock. You know you’re a joke when North Korea pokes fun at you. Irony truly is dead and President Park’s fingerprints are all over the murder weapon.

South Korea survived ten years of Kim Dae-jung and Roh Moo-hyun. It survived Lee Myung-bak and it has thus far survived Park Geun-hye and it will survive the next fifteen months should she choose not to step down. South Korea will also survive the next president whoever he or she may be.

But whether or not South Korea will be able to survive the long-term consequences of her refusal to step down is less clear.

If President Park refuses to step down, she will also bring the Saenuri Party down with her. For all of its faults, and they are legion, a Saenuri collapse could lead effectively to a one-party state and God knows that far too many progressive politicians appear to live in a world that is very remote from reality - full of fantasy and whimsy. Despite its many flaws, for a healthy and vibrant republic to exist, there has to be at least two opposing political parties.

For the sake of the country’s future, President Park should resign.

Go. Definitely go.
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Welfare vs. Taxes in Korea: Nobody wants to Pay the Piper

It might appear that Korean politicians are not complete fools after all.

When President Park Geun-hye was campaigning to become president, she promised that she would deliver a lot of goodies, and much more, without ever raising taxes.

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A few days ago, however, Representative Kim Moo-sung, the chairman of her own party, said, “It is impossible to finance welfare without tax hikes, and it is inappropriate for politicians to deceive the people.”

Representative Kim was not alone in voicing this sentiment.

So do Koreans want a greater welfare state? The answer seems to be “yes and no.”

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As Steven Denney said in his recent article in the Diplomat, in a poll that was commissioned by JTBC, 46.8 percent of the public favor welfare cuts over a tax increase. 34.5 percent of the public think that a tax increase is needed to pay for welfare; and 18.7 percent didn’t know what to think.

So it might seem that many people do not support expanding the welfare state. However, one always has to remember the old adage about lies and statistics. That is because 52.8 percent of the respondents, a clear majority, supported increasing the corporate tax rate.

What Mr. Denney got absolutely right was when he said “The simple fact of the matter is that South Koreans might not support more welfare, if it means that they have to pay for it.”

(What Mr. Denney got absolutely wrong was that he thinks Korea needs a welfare state.)

Isn't that typical? Everybody wants to go to the party, but nobody wants to pay the piper. Case in point, when salaried workers angrily protested that many of them were likely to pay additional taxes this year instead of receiving a tax rebate, a move that was made by the government in order to help pay for its welfare programs, Finance Minister Choi Kyung-hwan said the government would consider revising tax return regulations.

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It yet again goes to prove that Frédéric Bastiat was absolutely right when he said, “Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.”

So who will be made to pay more taxes? The easy answer seems to be to raise the corporate tax.

After all, Finance Minister Choi said that the government may consider raising corporate taxes and that “the government does not regard corporate tax as too sacred of a realm to enter.”

But will raising corporate taxes come at no cost? I will let the maestro speak for himself.

However, as succinct as Milton Friedman was, this video did not even cover other questions. Could it cause domestic corporations to invest less in order to pay less corporate taxes? Or might it cause them to invest elsewhere? Could it lead to more corporations hiding their money in overseas bank accounts? How much more will it cost taxpayers for the government to investigate and try business owners for tax evasion? Could it dampen foreign investments? If so, by how much?

Assuming that we can even find answers and practical solutions to those questions, then we have to ask the second batch of questions. Will welfare benefits remain constant? Will increasing welfare benefits help to lift the poorest Koreans out of poverty so that they will no longer need to rely on welfare? How will aging and low birth rates affect welfare programs, future taxation, and the national debt?

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In regards to the Saenuri Party's leadership's dithering about welfare benefits and taxes, Mr. Denney rhetorically asks “Is this strategic dissonance, or does Saneuri simply not know what it wants?”

It is certainly not the latter. All political parties in the world want the same thing. They either want to attain or retain political power. Ipso facto, the correct answer is the former.

However, this dissonance is not limited to the Saenuri Party. It is an ailment that the entire country is suffering from. To use an analogy, all democratic republics in the world act like a mirror; and are, therefore, a reflection of the body politic. And as I said earlier, everybody wants to go to the party, but nobody wants to pay the piper.

Mr. Denney, (and other like-minded people) was wrong then, and assuming that his position has not changed, he is wrong now. Korea does not need a welfare state. If anything, it is the very last thing it needs.

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What is “The Will of the People?”

What is this thing that politicians call “will of the people?”

I had earlier predicted that the ruling Saenuri Party would lose the July-30 by-elections. Ruling parties almost never win in by-elections. However, the Saenuri Party has surprised everyone by having won a super-majority in the National Assembly, including a seat in the South Jeolla province, which has been a liberal stronghold for decades. The Saenuri Party now holds 158 out of 300 seats in Korea's unicameral legislature.

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But does this electoral win mean that President Park or Saenuri lawmakers have gained a mandate of some sort? Only 32.9 percent of eligible voters turned out to vote in the by-elections.

To quote a line from a TV show that I like, it's true that decisions are made by those who show up. And to the victor goes the spoils. But a mandate? To put it mildly, that seems like a stretch.

As for the New Politics Alliance for Democracy (NPAD) Party, with its two co-chairmen Kim Han-gil and Ahn Cheol-soo having all but officially given up their roles as party leaders, the party leadership has fallen onto the shoulders of Park Young-sun. Due to her party's diminishing popularity, in her very first press conference as de facto party chief, she pledged “to do her utmost to rebuild the largest opposition party by winning the hearts and minds of the people, saying that the NPAD 'failed to honor their will.'”

However, what neither Saenuri nor NPAD lawmakers seems to understand is that there is no such thing as “the People.” As much as politicians may wish to simplify everything into quantifiable polls, it does not change the fact that though there are millions of individuals who all have different wants, needs, and priorities; this ridiculous concept of a single blob-like People is actually non-existent.

So what the hell do politicians mean when they talk about “the will of the People?”

Start small and local.
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However, let's say for the sake of argument that there is such a thing as “the People” and let's say that they have Borg-like characteristics and all have a collective mind.

Is it a good idea to obey their every whim? Yes, one of the central tenets of democratic republicanism is majority rule. But has no one in the National Assembly ever even heard of Tocqueville? His book “Democracy in America,” details the perils of democracy by pointing out the dangers of majoritarianism and mediocrity, and that the people in their ignorance tend to meekly obey despots that are disguised as democratically elected leaders.

Or have they read Tocqueville but decided to embrace all the things that he warned against?

More than majority rule, the most important thing about a stable democratic republic is the absolute importance of the rule of law. And the rule of law requires principles. It requires sober and rational thought. It requires a system of morals and ethics.

What it most certainly does not require is gross and unthinking populism.

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The Perfect Prime Minister

Author’s Note: The following is a work of satire that was inspired by an article that was written in The Wall Street Journal. It should NOT be taken seriously. If you do not have a sense of humor, you should stop reading this right now.

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President Park seems to be having quite a tough time nominating her next Prime Minister. And it is a shame that such a mess is being made about appointing someone to a position that is largely ceremonial and devoid of any real political power. The Prime Minister’s chief reason for being has always seemed to act as the fall guy whenever the government does something wrong. After all, Korea has had eight prime ministers since 2004.

President Park’s first nominee for the position, Ahn Dae-hee, withdrew himself after it was discovered that he was quite rich.

Never mind that there seems to be no evidence to suggest that he has done anything illegal or that he has shown himself to be a man of integrity who does not let himself be blinded by political ideology. During his time as a state prosecutor, he helped to prosecute both the Grand National Party (the precursor to the Saenuri Party) for illegal campaign funding and against President Roh Moo-hyun’s election team for election fraud.

The lesson is clear. No rich people need apply. After all, as everyone knows, being rich is clearly a sign of pure evil.

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Then President Park nominated a man who, for all intents and purposes, does not seem ready for prime time. Among Moon Chang-keuk’s growing list of... faux pas, the former editor-in-chief of the Joongang Daily, has said on record that Japan should not apologize to Korea over the “comfort women” issue. On top of that, he also said that the Japanese occupation of Korea and the partitioning of the Korean peninsula was “God’s will.” Oh and something about the people of Joseon (the Korean kingdom that existed prior to the Japanese occupation and the subsequent division of the peninsula into North and South Korea) had laziness incorporated into their DNA and how it was Christianity that helped Koreans overcome their laziness.

What a charming fellow. Credit should be given where it is due. He’s certainly a maverick. He’s got that going for him, at least. And he’s certainly not as rich as Ahn Dae-hee but he doesn’t have any political experience. Definitely not cut out for prime time. So the second lesson is this – No inexperienced people, no matter how poor or how mavericky, need apply.

Not even if you're as dreamy as Tom Cruise.
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But it’s not just the Prime Minister. Kim Jeong-hoon, a Korean-American citizen (who was willing to give up his US citizenship) who was a former president of Bell Labs, was appointed to fill the newly created post of Minister of Future Creation and Science. In order to show his commitment, he was willing to donate up to ₩100 billion in expatriation taxes. The opposition party made a huge stink about him, however, because of his dual-citizenship. He was also accused of being a spy and his wife was associated with a brothel. He did the smart thing and decided to call it quits and headed back to the United States.

Another lesson learned. No smart American with tons of relevant experience need apply.

Surely Americans in Korea have seen these signs on occasion by now?
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So here is what we know about who is not fit to be Prime Minister:

• No rich people.
• No mavericks.
• No inexperienced people.
• No smart people.
• No Americans.

In that case, the only kind of people that are fit for that office are:

• Poor people.
• Yes Men.
• Experienced people.
• Stupid people.
• Non-Americans.

Well, if President Park is willing to consider the suggestions of a humble blogger, I have the perfect candidate in mind for the next Prime Minister. I nominate Adolf Hitler! It’s the only logical choice.

He might need a little image update though.
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Well, let’s think about it. Hitler was born into a very poor family. So we know for a fact that he understands the plight of the working poor. And this is paramount to picking a political leader – a man who has first hand experience in what it’s like to be poor.

To use an analogy, can we really trust an AIDS researcher to have a clue about what he is doing if he himself has never suffered from AIDS? Of course we can’t! Similarly, we cannot expect a rich man to even have the most basic understanding of what it’s like to be poor or even middle class. Hitler was born poor AND he was a struggling artist. If that doesn’t speak to the millennials, nothing will.

And of course he has a lot of experience! Hello? He was the Führer of Germany for eleven years. Even the most recent Korean presidents’ experience in running a country is a mere five years. Hitler has the kind of political experience that money can’t buy.

What about being stupid? Of course Hitler is stupid! Who else goes to war against the Russians and the Americans at the same damned time? You would think that Napoleon’s experience in Russia would have served as a great lesson about never invading Russia when it is cold. But he did it anyway.

He was a Class A Idiot.
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Most importantly, he’s not American. Sure, he’s not Korean either but that’s totally fine. At least he’s not from Southeast Asia, unlike some unspeakable people! Surely people have not forgotten how vitriolic and racist some people got when Jasmine Lee won a seat in the National Assembly? Anyway, I can’t imagine how the fact that he’s German will go down badly.

Another bonus – he hates, and I mean absolutely abhors, communists.  Take that, North Korea!

Yes, he forged an alliance with Hirohito and that might cause some people to get a bit upset.  So we should not bring that up too often. As long as we steer away from the fact that Hitler and Hirohito were allies, and focus on the more positive aspects, I think Hitler might turn out to be a great Prime Minister. Hell, I know at least one person in Busan will think so.

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And women voters will love him, too! Say what you will, but the Nazis had some really spiffy uniforms and we all know that women love men in spiffy uniforms. Besides, there is an entire sexual fetish dedicated to Nazis! Is there a sexual fetish for democratically elected middle aged men? I didn’t think so.

Yes, this movie actually exists.
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Now, admittedly, nominating Hitler for the position of Prime Minister is not without its hurdles. For one thing, he is dead. And there’s not even a body that we can dig up somewhere. But that’s the beauty of it all! He’ll be the one political leader whom no one will see, and above all else, or hear from. He will not do a damned thing. And who wouldn’t love that?

But if we really need someone to fill the role, we can always hire this guy. And he already has his own catchy theme song.

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So, three cheers for Adolf Hitler! Hip hip hooray!